Permission to Fail

This happens to me every year.

All summer, I am able to read, keep up on twitter, maybe even blog (OK twice so far - not counting today, but it was a start!)  And then as soon as school starts - I loose it!  I vow that next year I will manage my time and energy better but I never can keep all the balls in the air.

How do others do that - blog, read, tweet...maintain relationships outside of school and home? I really wish I knew the secret.

I am so much happier when I feel connected.  Yes, twitter and voxer counts as connected. 

I love to read and learn.  In the summer, between grade-level books and professional reading, I am constantly absorbing.  I work on writing about reading.  This summer, I participated in a bookclub with other teachers, practicing what we ask students to do.  I met with other teachers to discuss ideas for math workshop.

But then school starts and BAMMM...I fall off the planet.

This year, I could blame it on a new position in a new school.  A position that requires me to create a curriculum as I go.  But I know that is not the real reason because this happens every year.  (P.S. - I am one of those crazy people that likes data and writing assessments and creating as I go).

Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure because I can't do it all.

Then I stop and think about what I am doing.

I am 100% present when I am with my students.  

I am trying out new ideas. This year, thanks to Mathematical Mindsets by Jo Boaler, I am totally redoing how I teach math.

I am a wife, mother, nonna, friend, daughter, and sister (there are more - but you get the idea).

I have to accept that I cannot do it all. 

So, while I admire those that can, it is time to accept me for me.  I can only do what I can do.  I need to stop comparing myself against others - just as I don't compare students against each other.  We are all different with different capacities for learning and doing.  And sometimes I simply want to lay in my hammock and snooze.

That's OK.

So while I will continue to admire people that can accomplish what I cannot, I will try harder to accept me as I am.  
A teacher struggling to write with some consistency.  
A Nonna that doesn't want to miss too much of her first grandson.
A wife that likes to watch a favorite show or two with her husband.
A friend that values coffee dates to "catch-up."

Earlier this year, I made a goal to write every day. So far, I have failed.  Typically failure makes me give up (sad but true) but this year, I am going to forgive myself.  I am going to allow myself time to learn and build habits.  Some weeks I will manage. Some weeks I won't.

I am giving myself permission to try - and fail - just so I can try again.

Thank you Two Writing Teachers and Slice of Life for creating this opportunity.