Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Permission to Fail
This happens to me every year.
All summer, I am able to read, keep up on twitter, maybe even blog (OK twice so far - not counting today, but it was a start!) And then as soon as school starts - I loose it! I vow that next year I will manage my time and energy better but I never can keep all the balls in the air.
How do others do that - blog, read, tweet...maintain relationships outside of school and home? I really wish I knew the secret.
I am so much happier when I feel connected. Yes, twitter and voxer counts as connected.
I love to read and learn. In the summer, between grade-level books and professional reading, I am constantly absorbing. I work on writing about reading. This summer, I participated in a bookclub with other teachers, practicing what we ask students to do. I met with other teachers to discuss ideas for math workshop.
But then school starts and BAMMM...I fall off the planet.
This year, I could blame it on a new position in a new school. A position that requires me to create a curriculum as I go. But I know that is not the real reason because this happens every year. (P.S. - I am one of those crazy people that likes data and writing assessments and creating as I go).
Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure because I can't do it all.
Then I stop and think about what I am doing.
I am 100% present when I am with my students.
I am trying out new ideas. This year, thanks to Mathematical Mindsets by Jo Boaler, I am totally redoing how I teach math.
I am a wife, mother, nonna, friend, daughter, and sister (there are more - but you get the idea).
I have to accept that I cannot do it all.
So, while I admire those that can, it is time to accept me for me. I can only do what I can do. I need to stop comparing myself against others - just as I don't compare students against each other. We are all different with different capacities for learning and doing. And sometimes I simply want to lay in my hammock and snooze.
So while I will continue to admire people that can accomplish what I cannot, I will try harder to accept me as I am.
A teacher struggling to write with some consistency.
A Nonna that doesn't want to miss too much of her first grandson.
A wife that likes to watch a favorite show or two with her husband.
A friend that values coffee dates to "catch-up."
Earlier this year, I made a goal to write every day. So far, I have failed. Typically failure makes me give up (sad but true) but this year, I am going to forgive myself. I am going to allow myself time to learn and build habits. Some weeks I will manage. Some weeks I won't.
I am giving myself permission to try - and fail - just so I can try again.
Thank you Two Writing Teachers and Slice of Life for creating this opportunity.